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About Literature / Hobbyist Senior Member Daniel KalbanMale/United States Groups :iconcomicartistguild: ComicArtistGuild
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This looks freaking amazing, guys. The characters have a lot of personality, and as our heroes they are deservedly badass. And Melphi l...

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9 deviants said Do one of your indie ideas
5 deviants said New Bat tale
4 deviants said Continue Superboy fan script arc



32 deviations

Batman: The Comedian’s Taboo

By Daniel Kalban


Characters belong to DC Comics
Batman created by Bob Kane


Page 1

Panel 1

Close up on the face of a young woman, college aged, with long black hair. Her mouth has been sliced into a Glasgow smile. She is obviously dead.

Batman: *narrating* When I saw the corpse, I knew he had to be responsible.

Commissioner Gordon: *off panel* Fifth one this week…

Panel 2

Batman and Commissioner Gordon stand over the body, which was dumped in front of a park by Gotham University (the park should be modeled after Washington Square Park in NYC (see Gotham Central), and the university buildings preferably should resemble those seen in DC Universe Online). It is raining, and Gordon has an umbrella. The two men and body are positioned under an arch. The medical examiner van has arrived.

Caption: Gotham University.

Commissioner Gordon: …All students here at the university.

Batman: Cause of death?

Commissioner Gordon: Stab wound to the heart, the cuts on her mouth seem to be post mortem, like the others.

Batman: First time they left this calling card…

Panel 3

Close up on the girl’s shirt, someone has crudely carved the words “Ha Ha Ha” into it.

Batman: *off panel* It’s him.

Panel 4

Worms eye view of Batman, Gordon, and the arch.

Commissioner Gordon: Joker? But he’s locked up in Arkham.

Batman: He could have escaped.

Commissioner Gordon: We would have known by now.

Panel 5

Close up on Batman’s hand as he launches a grapnel.

Panel 6

Batman heads off.

Batman: Let me find out for myself.

Page 2

Panel 1

The exterior of Arkham Asylum.

Jerimiah Arkham: *from inside* I must protest your presence here, Batman!

Panel 2

Batman and Dr. Arkham walk down the hallways of the asylum. Jeremiah has his doctor’s coat over his pajamas.

Jerimiah Arkham: Barging in here late at night without a police escort, waking me up from my rest, disturbing the patients….

Batman: One of your patients might be responsible for five murders.

Jerimiah Arkham: No one’s escaped, Batman; not since the new Waynetech security improvements.

Batman: That hasn’t stopped him before….

Joker: *off panel* ooo, are my ears burning?

Panel 3

We see a strong iron door with a little window. There is a number: 11940. Under that is a label: “John Doe aka Joker”. Two guards stand at either side of it.

Joker: *from inside his cell* Come into my parlor, Batsy!

Panel 4

Birds eye view of Batman, Joker, and Arkham.

Joker: If you're looking for escape tunnels, Batman, you're out of luck. Zsasz ruined that for the rest of us.....

Batman: Five girls are dead, Joker…

Joker: Oh, the ones I’ve been reading about in the Gazette. It was four yesterday, guess you found a nice, fresh corpse tonight.

Panel 5

Close up on Batman’s eyes. Joker is reflected in them.

Batman: Only you would be so flippant about the dead.

Page 3

Panel 1

Joker leans back in a chair, dressed in his prisoner uniform. He looks very nonchalant.

Joker: They’re dead, Batman; joke’s on them! Life can be so cruel, especially in a collegiate atmosphere. Have you examined them to see if they’ve been raped as well?

Batman: *off panel* The crime lab is still running kits. Why do you say that?

Panel 2

Joker leans over the table and into Batman’s face, he’s practically leering.

Joker: Can’t you see what a copycat your killer is? Five victims, the same as Jack the Ripper. Targeted prostitutes, might have been wanting what he couldn’t have. Unless some theories are true and the royal family was behind it.

Batman: Get out of my face.

Panel 3

Close up on Joker, still smiling. He points at his own grin.

Joker: Then there’s the case of the girls’ new smiles. A quintet of Black Dahlias, one of the biggest unsolved mysteries of all time. A grin carved into the face of the victim, as if to mock all those detectives.

Panel 4

Batman pushes Joker back into his chair. Arkham is alarmed.

Batman: I said get out of my face. And how dare you mock these girls!

Jerimiah Arkham: Batman, if you manhandle my patients, I will ask you to leave.

Joker: >Irk< It’s fine, I like it rough!

Panel 5

Joker props up his head with his hands to stare back at Batman

Joker: If anything, I’m mocking your killer. He’s aping famous killers.

Batman: *off panel* He copied another one tonight.

Joker: Oh really? Who?

Panel 6

Close up on Batman, who has a smirk.

Batman: You.

Page 4

Panel 1

Joker frowns, all glee has been wiped from his eyes.

Joker: What?

Panel 2

Batman holds up a picture of the victim, focusing on her shirt.

Batman: I think he had someone else in mind for a role model.

Panel 3

Joker slams his fists on the table.

Joker: That…that…that…COPYCAT! He’s stealing my act!

Jerimiah Arkham: Batman, you are enraging him!

Panel 4

Batman grabs Joker by the front of his shirt.

Batman: Who is it, Joker?

Joker: I have no idea. But the fact he is stealing my act is pissing me off! It’s the ultimate sin you know, you never steal another clown’s joke!

Batman: Is this all that this is to you, Joker? A gag?

Joker: I don’t care about these victims, Batman you know that.

Panel 5

Close up on Joker’s frown.

Joker: But you better find this…imposter soon—

Panel 6

Close up on Joker’s eyes, they promise death.

Joker: Or I will find him.

Page 5

Panel 1

Arkham and Batman walk down the hallway.

Jerimiah Arkham: I will be notifying Commissioner Gordon about this.

Batman: Right now, people are in danger; I think he’ll be more concerned about that.

Jerimiah Arkham: My duty is to my patients.

Batman: And mine is to the people of Gotham, who your patients would kill for fun.

Panel 2

Batman and Arkham walk out the front door of the Asylum, where the Batmobile is waiting.

Batman: Even if Joker isn’t responsible, I want you to keep an eye on him.

Jerimiah Arkham: Oh, now you want a favor….

Batman: You’re right, I have agitated him.

Panel 3

We see Joker lying on his cot.

Batman: *narrating* So we better hope that he doesn’t escape to find whoever did this before I do.

Joker: So, a little gonif thinks he can steal my act?! I don’t even let Harley get away with it!

Panel 4

Close up on Joker’s grin

Joker: It’s a good thing I didn’t mention to Batman that there’s always a way to get out of this dump.

Panel 5

Joker’s laughter rings down the hall of the Asylum.


Page 6

Panel 1

The Batcave. Alfred stands nearby as the Batmobile enters the cave.

Caption: A few nights later.

Panel 2

Batman exits the car.

Alfred: No sign of him, sir? Not even a green hair?

Batman: No.

Alfred: You’d think he’d rent out a billboard in Finger Square to announce he was back by now.

Panel 3

Batman walks over to the computer.

Batman: That’s the thing; he’s being very quiet for once. No one even knew about that old service tunnel.

Alfred: Except for you.

Batman: Except for me. And now he used it to escape.

Alfred: At least he was courteous to not butcher the guards this time.

Panel 4

Batman sits down.

Batman: That’s the other thing that disturbs me; he usually likes to make a mess when he escapes. Here he wanted to leave as quietly as possible.

Panel 5

Batman turns on the computer.

Alfred: Well, you did say he was less than thrilled about having someone follow in his footsteps.

Batman: I wasn’t either.

Alfred: And yet you now have a family large enough to rival Carl Laemmle.


 Page 7

Panel 1

Batman brings up pictures of the five victims.

Batman: So now it’s a race. Find the killer before Joker does.

Alfred: Easier said than done, as usual.

Batman: There must be a link.

Panel 2

Batman steeples his fingers and thinks. Alfred stands by.

Panel 3

Batman looks up.

Batman: He was right.

Alfred: Sir?

Batman: I talked to Gordon earlier; the rape kits came back positive.

Panel 4

Batman begins typing

Alfred: What are you doing?

Batman: Going into the GCPD database. Joker said something about serial killers targeting those they can’t have.

Panel 5

Batman stops typing.

Batman: I think we found him.

Panel 6

The screen shows a record of a college kid, modeled after Anthony Perkins in Psycho. His name is Mark Gull. A label under his name says “5 Restraining Orders”

Batman: Mark Gull, Junior at Gotham U. Five restraining orders on his record.

Alfred: Let me guess, our five victims.

Batman: Which explains why our killer hasn’t been active the last few nights. He killed his last target.

Page 8

Panel 1

Batman pulls up the killer’s address.

Batman: He lives in a house with some friends. 1947 Whitechapel Road. Not far from where he dumped his last victim.

Panel 2

Batman heads to the car.

Alfred: Heading back out?

Batman: I said I needed to get to him before Joker.

Panel 3

An alert flashes on the Batcomputer, Alfred pulls it up.

Alfred: Well, it seems something else might have come up.

Batman: Gull is the priority.

Panel 4

Alfred reads the alert.

Alfred: Sir, it seems that the police had a similar idea. They just radioed headquarters.

Panel 5

Close up on Batman’s eyes.

Alfred: *off panel* Sir…it seems the Joker found him.

Page 9

Panel 1

Birds eye view of a purple and green car drives madly through the streets of Gotham, causing other cars to swerve out of the way.

Panel 2

Joker is driving like a madman, his face contorted with rage. There is a thumping noise behind him.

Joker: Two-bit imposter, thinks he could steal my routine. Did he not learn from Carlos Mencia’s folly?! That reminds me…kill him too, just out of good taste.

Panel 3

The thumping gets louder, Joker turns toward it


Panel 4

The thumping stops.

Joker: That’s better.

Panel 5

The car pulls up to a darkened church that has been de-consecrated.

Page 10

Panel 1

Joker gets out of the car.

Panel 2

Joker walks over to the car’s trunk.

Panel 3

He opens the trunk

Panel 4

He leers down at Mark Gull, who is tied up and gagged.

Joker: Now, it’s time for you to unburden your soul, my boy…

Panel 5

Close up on Joker’s venomous smile

Joker: …before I unburden you from life.

Harvey Bullock: (caption) It’s a bloodbath here, Bats.

Page 11

Panel 1

Batman and Harvey Bullock walk through a hallway turned charnel house in the house shared by Gull and his friends. The body of one of those friends lies in the hallway, a Glasgow smile carved in his face and his throat.

Harvey Bullock: Joker went to work on these guys with just a knife. No gadgets, no toxins.

Batman: What did he do to Gull?

Harvey Bullock: Kidnapped him, so he should count himself lucky.

Panel 2

Batman and Bullock stand in front of the door to Gull’s room, a bloody handprint marks the door and doorknob.

Batman: “Lucky”? You should have seen Joker at the Asylum when he found out Gull was “stealing his act”.

Bullock: He’s lucky compared to what Joker did to his roommate.

Panel 3

Big panel. We see the roommate hanging from the ceiling, tastefully hidden by shadows as to just show him hanging. Batman is disgusted.

Batman: My God…

Harvey Bullock: Hung the kid by his own intestines. That’s twisted even for Joker. But Joker left us a message in the kid’s blood.

Panel 4

Bullock points to a wall where a message reads “Come Confess Your Sins At St. Gene’s.”

Bullock: Now, I’m no altar boy, but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a St. Gene.

Batman: Could be a shortened version of another name.

Panel 5

Batman takes a closer look at the message while pressing the comm button on his cowl

Batman: Cave, who is the patron saint of clowns?

Alfred: (on comms) One second, sir… Ah, St. Genesius of Rome.

Batman: Is there a church dedicated to him in Gotham?

Page 12

Panel 1

In the Batcave, Alfred is working on the computer

Alfred: There was one, but it’s been deconsecrated for a number of years. Apparently it now serves as a theater/comedy club. It’s presently closed for the season. Sending the address now.

Batman: (on comm) Thanks.

Panel 2

Batman turns to Bullock

Batman: I know where Joker is. Give me one hour then head to the old St. Genesius church in Burnley.

Bullock: An hour?! You’ll be lucky if I give you half of that.

Panel 3

Batman glares at Bullock, his cape being whipped up by the wind coming from a smashed window

Batman: An hour, Bullock. Then he’s yours. Until then--

Panel 4

Batman grapnels out of the window

Batman: --He’s mine!

Panel 5

The exterior of St. Genesius’

Joker: (from inside) Now, where were we?

Panel 6

Birds eye view of the makeshift stage in the old church. Joker has tied Gull to a chair and is pointing a gun to Gull’s head.

Joker: Oh yes, discussing your sins…

Mark Gull: But you’re a killer, just like me!

Joker: Yes, but I don’t do a greatest hits collection and claim it’s my work!

Page 13

Panel 1

Joker looks serious as he lectures Gull

Joker: You have committed The Comedian’s Taboo: YOU STOLE A JOKE! Not only that, it was MY JOKE!

Mark Gull: (off panel) But, I was making tribute to the greatest murderers in history….

Panel 2

Joker pistolwhips Gull

Mark Gull: AHH!

Joker: Don’t give me that! I remember you, Marky Mark! A sniveling brat who tried to get into my gang when he was barely out of high school. You weren’t even funny enough to join my gang.

Panel 3

Joker takes out a handkerchief

Joker: So, when you went on your little revenge spree, your tribute was more of a delayed teenage rebellion.

Panel 4

Gull glares at Joker as he wipes his gun

Mark Gull: So I used your MO to get revenge on some bitches who ignored my attentions. They shouldn’t have ignored the nice guy.

Panel 5

Joker looks disappointed (see the Bolland panel from Killing Joke where Joker goes “Why aren’t you laughing?”

Joker: So you’re a Men’s Rights Activists moron too? I don’t know if that or your joke stealing disgusts me more.

Panel 6

Joker places his gun in Gull’s mouth

Joker: But you’ll be dead soon, so that won’t matter. Perhaps Batman has it right about this vigilante thing….


Page 14

Panel 1

 Full page panel. Batman smashes through the large stained glass window at the other end of the church, yelling in rage. Joker turns in surprise.

Batman: Joker! Enough!

Page 15

Panel 1

Joker pulls the gun from Gull’s mouth

Joker: No. No. No! Don’t you understand?

Panel 2

He fires at Batman, who flips to let the bullets pass through his cape.

Joker: He needs to pay for his crime! The crime of joke stealing!

Panel 3

Batman lands on the floor of the church in a crouch

Batman: Only you would consider that worse than rape and murder.

Panel 4

Joker’s grin grows wide

Joker: Well, I have no issue with those two, now do I?

Panel 5

Joker fires again as Batman throws a Batarang

Panel 6

The batarang embeds itself in Joker’s shoulder, causing his shot to go wide

Joker: GAH!


Page 17

Panel 1

Batman leaps onto the stage, punching Joker. Mark Gull watches.

Joker: Oof!

Mark Gull: Heh

Panel 2

Batman kicks Joker in the stomach

Mark Gull: (off panel) Heh hehe.

Panel 3

Joker headbutts Batman

Mark Gull: (off panel) Hehehehehehe

Panel 4

Joker stabs Batman in the side

Mark Gull: (off panel) HeheheHAHAHAHA!

Panel 5

Batman backhands Joker

Mark Gull: (off panel) HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Panel 6

Batman and Joker turn and watch laugh himself to death


Page 18

Panel 1

Mark Gull slumps over, dead.

Panel 2

Batman turns to Joker.

Batman: What did you do?!

Joker: Some Joker Toxin sprayed on the gag. A delayed effect to be sure, but an effective effect.

Panel 3

Close up on Batman’s eyes. They are full of rage.

Batman: You murdered him, because he supposedly stole your “act”?!

Panel 4

Joker looks sad.

Joker: It goes beyond that, Batman. I don’t want another Joker around to steal you away from me!

Panel 5

Joker starts pacing

Joker: Sure, Harley’s a given, but it’s not like I want to franchise myself out like the Naked Cowboy!

Panel 6

Batman watches as Joker paces

Joker: Perhaps I should have been flattered by his tribute. But he would have set a precedent for a bunch of copy cats!


Page 19

Panel 1

Joker turns and sighs

Joker: I don’t want that. You’re the one who’s fine with the big crowds.

Panel 2

Joker starts counting off the Bat family

Joker: I mean, you’ve had four Robins, which has grown into a youth movement. A couple of Batgirls. A Spoiler (whatever that is). Two Batwings.

Panel 3

A wry grin comes to Joker’s face.

Joker: Oh, and of course our esteemed Commissioner Gordon, when the world thought we were dead, served as the Blue Bunny-Bat Ice Cream Superhero Mascot!

Panel 3

Joker approaches Batman.

Joker: But there is only one Joker. And that’s the way I want it to be.

Panel 4

As Joker walks, he drops various gags, props, and weapons

Joker: Harley can continue to be in my act. But I don’t want a bunch of “Jokerz” running around until I am dead.

Panel 5

Joker reaches Batman

Joker: But until that day, there is only ONE Joker, your biggest nemesis. And that will be me.

Panel 6

Joker reaches out his hands to be cuffed.

Joker: Come on, Big Boy. Let’s do this.


Page 20

Panel 1

The exterior of Arkham Asylum. The Batmobile is parked out front and Batman is walking Joker through the door.

Panel 2

Batman watches as Joker is tied down onto a gurney. Vicki Vale is on a television

Vicki Vale: (on TV) The body of Mark Gull, the suspect in the Gotham University murders, was found in the St. Genesius Church Theater, apparently killed by the Joker….

Panel 3

Joker is wheeled into his cell.

Panel 4

Joker sits down on his cot as the door is slammed shut.

Panel 5

Joker is frowning…

Panel 6

…And then smiles

Joker: Heh.


Page 21

Full page panel. Birds eye view of Joker’s cell. He is lying on his cot.

Joker: At least the kid died funny.


Batman: The Comedian's Taboo (Complete)
A series of murders at Gotham University leads Batman to believe Joker is behind it. But when it turns out it's someone else, Joker vows vengeance on the man who broke the biggest rule in comedy: Never steal another clown's gag!

This is the complete version of this: Batman - The Comedian's Taboo, Part I

This is set in what I now have to call the "Post Flashpoint" DCU, as they are dropping the New 52 moniker for their present continuity in a week (that's led to some confusion as people keep thinking it's another reboot when it isn't). As such, it makes reference to the end of Endgame as well as Commissioner Gordon's tenure as Batman (albeit in the past tense as Endgame ended last month and Gordon's time as Batman starts next month). There have been many jokes about the Gordon Batsuit already, so I added my own twist on those (still excited about what could happen with this new, though likely temporary, direction).

Of course, I could later adjust this to make it a more "timeless" Bat story, dropping that gag altogether.

As always, my script is available for you to draw. Just credit me as the writer.

Batman, Joker, et al belongs to DC Comics
Script by me.
Batman glared at the scarred visage of the man he once called a friend. "Let him go, Harvey!"

Two-Face held Dr. Joseph Kane in a vice like grip, a gun pointed at the young man's head. "We need him to finish the device!" Two-Face had captured Joseph because Joseph was working on a new misting device to help drought stricken areas; but Two-Face wanted him to modify it to spread a modified plague over Gotham using two biological samples. It was that, and the request for $2,000,000 by 2am that clued Batman into who was responsible for kidnapping his friend and employee. And here they were, at the old abandoned hotel at 4816 Janus Street.....

Batman slid a batarang out of his utility belt and tossed it. Two-Face ducked, only for the batarang to boomerang back and hit him square in the back of his head. This made Two-Face drop Joseph and the gun. Batman then tackled Two-Face, heading out the window onto a patio area far above the streets of Gotham. Two-Face kicked Batman in the groin, followed by an uppercut to Batman's jaw. While Batman was winded, Two-Face took out a second gun. Batman cursed himself, he was exhausted from tearing the city apart looking for Joseph, having to fight Penguin's goons, the Falcones, and even a local branch of the League of Assassins.

Two-Face drew closer. "Good bye, Bats!" He prepared to shoot Batman in the head....


Two-Face was shot in the arm...

BANG! the back...


...and squarely in the chest. Batman rushed over to his surprise Two-Face was still alive, the bullets hitting non vital areas. Batman then looked up and saw Joseph holding Two-Face's other gun. The teenager was shaking, his face pale as a ghost. Batman grapnelled back up to the room, noticing Joseph had disabled the machine first. "Joseph, you can drop the gun." The young man was non responsive. "Two-Face is alive, you didn't shoot him in vital areas. You can drop the gun." Joseph still didn't respond. "Joseph?" That's when Batman realized that this is the first time Joseph went out of his way to try to kill someone. Even when he had his powers manifest for the first time in New York, followed quickly by Hush's kidnapping of his little brother, Joseph still didn't want to kill, no matter how angry he was. Here was the first time he tried to do so, willingly, albeit to save Batman's life.

Batman worked Joseph's fingers to make him drop the gun...and the teenager, still a boy in so many ways, collapsed, silently sobbing....


The next morning, Bruce Wayne entered the kitchen of Wayne Manor. Sam Kane, Joseph's brother, was already eating breakfast while Damian was being a grump. Alfred was busy cooking.

"Why do you get your breakfast first, Kane?" grumbled Damian.

"Because I was down here first," Sam said.

"And his breakfast order is not as complicated as yours, Master Damian," Alfred quipped, turning from the omelet he was cooking to gather some fresh herbs.

">TT<" was Damian's only response.

"Alfred, have you seen Joseph?" asked Bruce.

"I put him to bed last night," said Alfred, sliding the omelet onto a plate which had toast and a small side salad. "Normally he'd be down here by now, even when he's been told to rest for the next few days."

That's when a drop of water splashed Sam on the head. "Huh?" The little boy looked up and saw a wet spot growing on the kitchen ceiling. "Umm, isn't Joey's bathroom above the kitchen?"

Bruce and Alfred looked at each other. Bruce turned to Damian, "Watch Sam for us, Damian." Both master and butler ran out of the room, up the stairs, and to Joseph's bedroom door. Bruce tried the knob only to find it was locked. He forced the door open, and he and Alfred entered Joseph's private bathroom.

Joseph was alive, and still in his clothes from the night before. There was vomit all over those clothes and on the toilet. Joseph himself was sitting in the tub, with the shower on, and was mumbling something under his breath. Bruce listened closely...and realized Joseph was praying a Jewish prayer of atonement usually only said on the High Holy Days:

"Avinu malkeinu sh'ma kolenu
Avinu malkeinu chatanu l'faneycha
Avinu malkeinu chamol aleynu
Ve'al olaleynu vetapeinu"

"Joseph?" said Bruce. Joseph looked up, shame burning in his eyes.

"Maybe I should go back to New York."


"I just broke THE rule, the ultimate heroic taboo."

"As a civilian. Trying to save someone's life. And Two-Face isn't dead."

"But I wanted him to be."

"He kidnapped you, you can't be blamed for that..."

"I can blame myself. I'm not worthy of being a hero...of being trained by you...of being your friend."

Bruce sighed and kneeled by the tub, "Look, you're hurting right now. I would be lying to you if I said I never felt the way you do now. I've 'seen red' before, I've come close to killing myself, only to hold myself back at the last second. You did the same thing last night by aiming for non vital areas; your medical training and oath kept you from outright killing Two-Face."

"But I wanted to kill him."

"But you didn't."

"But I...."

"Joseph, you're suffering from shock. You don't think I wasn't like you when I came close to killing someone the first time?"

"To be fair, sir," said Alfred, "I think Master Joseph's reaction is a bit more...extreme than yours."

Bruce sighed and turned back to Joseph. "I don't blame you for trying to kill Two-Face, neither does Alfred, or Sam, or Jim Gordon. You were afraid and you acted upon that fear. I'm not going to hold this against you. Now let's get you cleaned up and into bed."

When Bruce and Alfred left Joseph's room, he was sobbing himself to sleep. But Bruce knew Joseph would be strong enough to recover from this shell shock. After all, Bruce himself recovered from when he first almost crossed that line all those years ago....
Shell Shock
Joseph Kane goes into shock when he almost crosses that one line an aspiring hero dare not cross. Can Batman snap him out of it?

The Hebrew text does come from a Jewish prayer of atonement: Aveinu Malkeinu. It's normally said during Yom Kippur

Joseph and Sam Kane belong to me
Batman et al belong to DC Comics
of course I set aside the long weekend to write and I get sick...wonderful....


Dkalban's Profile Picture
Daniel Kalban
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Aspiring Comic Book Writer or Film Director (or both)

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