Adventures in (Super) Babysitting

It is morning in Wayne Manor. Joseph is wearing his suit and an overcoat. Sam is holding onto his leg. Damian is looking on.

Sam: Joey! Don't go!!

Joseph: Sam, I'm only going to Metropolis for the day to discuss business at STAR Labs. I'll be back tonight.

Sam: But you promised you'd hang out with me!

Joseph: We can do that tomorrow.

Damian: Damn it, Sam, stop embarrassing yourself!

Sam starts crying. Joseph hugs him

Joseph: Sammy...it's only for today. We will play tomorrow. Besides, I asked someone to play with you and Damian today.

Sam: Who?

Damian: Not Wilkes, we hung out with him two days ago....

Joseph's phone rings.

Joseph: One sec.

We see it's Dick who's calling.

Joseph: Hey, Dick, what's up?

Dick: Sorry, Joseph, but I can't make it. I kinda got busy with this case and....

Joseph: *whispering angrily* Oh no, you're not wiggling out of this easily! Sam is freaking out; between my having to cancel my day to hang out with him, a possible thunderstorm and the notion of being stuck inside with Damian all day again....

Dick: Well I kinda got the shit kicked out of me last night!

Joseph: Blockbuster?

Dick: Blockbuster. But I sent a couple guys to take care of the munchkins.

Joseph: Who?

Dick: You'll see. *doorbell rings* Sorry, Joe, gotta meet with someone. Bye.

Joseph: Wait you little...

*click* the phone call ends

Joseph: *sighing* I swear he's more like Bruce than he admits...they never tell me more than they want!

Alfred approaches with Joseph's tickets, suitcase etc

Alfred: The car is waiting sir....

Joseph: I know...

DING DONG

Damian: Why do I get the feeling this is going to make a good reality TV show

Sam: When did you start watching reality TV?

Alfred: I'll get the door...even though everyone else is perfectly capable.

Joseph: That's why you get the big bucks

Alfred: And over 30 years owed vacation

Joseph: Bruce says you can go whenever

Alfred: But what would you all do without me?

Joseph: Good point

Damian: I find reality TV to be a wonderful case study into human stupidity.

Sam: Why can't you just admit you like to watch something dumb from time to time?

Damian: >TT<

Alfred opens the doors

Alfred: Master Timothy, welcome home.

Tim stands in civies, with a backpack and a duffel in his hands. Next to him stands Kon-El, looking uncomfortable in new clothes: a black t-shirt with a red S-shield, jeans, and work boots (Yeah, his civies are his old super duds before the new 52!). He has a duffel over his shoulder

Tim: Hey, Alfred.

Alfred: And who is your friend?

Kon: Kon....

Tim: Conner...Conner Kent.

Alfred: Kent? *takes a closer look, realization* Ah, of course, come in.

Damian sees Tim walk in.

Damian: Oh look, the hanger-on is back, and has brought another moocher

Tim: Yes you see I thought some better company may improve the homestead.

Alfred: I've been thinking that for years

Tim turns to Joseph

Tim: Dick sends his regards.

Joseph: So you and Superboy are the cavalry.

Tim: Yeah

Joseph: Take good care of my little brother.

Tim: Don't worry.

Joseph: And I hope you and Damian don't kill each other. *to Sam* See you when I get back tonight kiddo

Sam: Bye, Joey

Joseph heads to the car. "Conner" turns to Tim

Kon: Conner?

Tim: Well you need a secret identity....

Damien: Oh great so we have to tutor him in basic heroism 101...the time is just going to fly by

Sam: He already IS a hero.

The two boys stare each other down a bit

Tim: Okay let's not go for the throats just yet...now what do you normally do for entertainment? *Damian is about to speak* Which doesn't involve physical violence, or psychological trauma

Damian: >TT< You could get a better idea from Kane, Drake....

Tim turns to Alfred.

Tim: Where is Bruce?

Alfred: Mission with the League in Oolong Island.

Sam just stares at Kon

Kon: Something wrong, Sam?

Sam: Nothing, you look cool.

Kon: Thanks

Sam: Better than that Tron suit you wear in combat

Kon: Everyone's a critic

Sam laughs

Kon: What's so funny?

Sam: You made a joke

Kon: Ah, *smiles* I did, didn't I?

Damian: Look out Leno....

Tim: Leno's a hack anyways

Damian: >TT<

Tim: So Sam, what do you want to do?

Sam shrugs

Sam: Just go around the city?

Tim checks the weather on his phone

Tim: Looks like the storm won't hit until much later...guess we can do that

Short time later, the two teens and two boys climb into a car. They all have backpacks

Alfred: I'd be less concerned if you let me drive you boys into the city

Tim: Alfred, I got my license, and I was driving a car before then.

Alfred: Yes, and Master Dick taught you to drive...doesn't put my nerves at ease....

Kon: Don't know why I can't just fly and drag you three along with my TTK

Tim: Too much attention....

Alfred: Have fun, sirs, and don't get into too much trouble.

Tim salutes and starts driving

Alfred: Why do i have a feeling this will end up in the morning edition of the Gotham Gazette?

Tim: So, where first?

Sam: I dunno.

Damian: Damn it, Kane, you're the one who said we should go out instead of letting me train.

Tim: It won't kill you to act normal for once, Damian.

Damian kicks Tim's seat.

Sam: Umm...how about the Natural History Museum?

Tim: Well that should have something for everyone

Damian: Whatever

Kon: What do they have at this museum

Sam brightens

Sam: Science exhibits, artifacts, animals, fossils

Damian: *grinning wickedly* Meteorites

Tim parks.

Damian: Oh, are we here already?

Tim: Yes now I would ask you conduct yourself in an appropriate manner...or least be sane enough that we don't get arrested or kicked out

Damien: You don't have any faith in me do you?

Tim: Would you like the list of reasons why?

Damien: No thank you I believe the museum can bore me in a less noisy fashion

They enter the grand hall of the Gotham Museum of Natural History

Kon: Where first?

Sam: The dinosaurs! Joey...*somewhat sadly* Joey and I used to go to see them right away when we went to the museum back in New York.

Tim: *smiles smally* Don't worry sport, it's only one day...tell you what after this how about riding a T-Rex?

Sam: Huh?

Tim: Heh, you'll see *leads on*

Damien: ...Okay this is interesting

Tim guides the others through the rooms full of fossils.

Sam: Where are we going? We're passing all the bones.

Tim: You'll see, it's a new exhibit.

Tim leads them into another room where animatronic dinosaurs that guests could interact with.

Damian: Oh good...they put up a sign telling creationists that this is not at all an endorsement of their bunk theory. Not that its going to stop those zealots.

Kon: Shhh

Damian: Shut it clone boy....

Kon: Tim, your brother is a....

Tim: I know

Tim helps Sam onto the T-Rex

Sam's mood begins to brighten.

Tim: Want to try it, Damian?

Damian: Why should I?

Tim: Just do it, squirt. Unless you're too afraid....

Damian: One side, Drake.

Damian sits and rides a Triceratops with a smirk

Kon: Reverse psychology?

Tim: Any blow to his oversized ego tends to work

Kon: Now if only we could make the dinosaurs fight each other

All of a sudden, the eyes of Sam's T-Rex turns RED and it roars

Sam: Huh?

Tim: ...You had to say that didn't you

All the animatronics start attacking each other. The guests flee but Sam and Damian are stuck! The T-Rex charges at the Triceratops

Damian: >TT<

Damian flips off the Triceratops and onto another dinosaur. Sam is holding on for dear life.

Sam: HELP!!

Kon: Tim, we should....

He looks around, Tim has vanished

Kon: I hate it when he does that...and my outfit is in my other bag....

Sam: Conner! Help!

Red Robin swings in and gets Sam off the mad dino, Damian helps himself off

Kon: What's going on?

Red Robin: No idea.

Damian: Guess I'm not the only one who thought to bring his gear....

Damian unzips his sweatshirt to reveal his Robin gear and starts putting his uniform fully together

Kon places his hand on one of the already destroyed dinos.

Sam: Careful...

Kon: It's okay....Seems someone took control of the robots remotely, this isn't an ordinary malfunction.

Sam: Why? What could be the motive?

Kon: Don't know....

Red Robin: Can you trace it with your TTK?

Kon: Yeah...two floors down...Hall of Evolution

Red Robin: Robin and I will check it out, you take care of Sam.

Kon: But....

Robin: You don't have your costume, clone boy; you might ruin everything....

Red Robin tosses Kon a comm and money

Red Robin: We'll be in contact, why don't you get Sam something to eat...

Before Kon can respond, RR and Robin leave.

Sam: Welcome to the sidelines

Kon: Go get some food?

Sam: Yeah

They walk off, frustrated in their own ways. Red Robin and Robin run into the Hall of Evolution. It is abandoned...quiet

Red Robin: The signal was coming from somewhere in here

Robin: Are you sure Superboy was right?

Red Robin: He's normally on track with stuff like this....

RR and Robin walk through the hall, passing fossils and dioramas. They finally find the strange looking control box by a display

Robin: Well what do you known, the hayseed was right....

Red Robin: I know who made this....

Robin: Who

They don't notice the animatronic caveman, and his Egyptian and Roman allies from neighboring halls, behind them

Red Robin: Trickster.....

Meanwhile Sam and Kon eat in the cafeteria

Sam: What's it like? Doing super-hero stuff and all?

Kon: It's alright. Sure it gets exciting and all, but its dangerous. I've seen people get seriously hurt

Sam: Yeah not everyone is bulletproof

Kon: But here's the thing, I was made to be a weapon. I decided to be something else. Even so...no offense but I'd rather be helping RR.

Sam looks hurt after Kon says that and begins to sniffle

Kon: Not that hanging with you isn't fun...just would be cooler if we were fighting bad guys

Sam: Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen

Kon stands and moves over to sit next to Sam

Kon: I have a feeling there's more to this.....

Sam: Joey's always so busy that he never hangs out with me anymore...and every time he and I get involved with something either we both are pushed to the sidelines or it's just me because I'm the little kid!

Kon: Well you'll have your time someday

Sam: It would be cool...being a hero

Kon: It would be.....

The Robins red and otherwise are dealing with the pre-historic animatronics. Robin knocks down a caveman before knocking away a mummy with its club whilst Red Robin knocks away a Roman legionnaire

Robin: Why the hell is Trickster in Gotham? I thought he was one of Flash's villains

Red Robin: He is! Last time I checked he was in Ironside Heights! Plus he rarely leaves the Gem Cities. *throws the legionnaire into a Spartan*

Robin: *clubbing a cave woman* What does he want in Gotham?


Red Robin: When we find him we'll ask him

Robin growls and throws several birdarangs to disarm the robots....

Robin: That was frustrating....and we don't know where he is!

Red Robin: As usual you never look at all the facts...the animatronics are controlled by a rogue signal, therefore that rogue signal must be in close range

Robin: Next chamber should be the Hall of Meteorites, Gems and Minerals

Red Robin: Sounds prime loot for a crook *dashes there*

Robin: Wait up Drake!

Robin and Red Robin peek into the hall. They see Trickster working on disabling a security system and behind him....

Metallo: Hurry up with it, Trickster!

Red Robin: Well well, you two are a long way from home

Metallo and Trickster turn

Metallo: Oh look lost birdies....

Trickster: I dunno, Metallo, they are trained by the Batman

Red Robin: And you know something tin man, to us kryptonite is just another rock

Metallo: I can still crush you

Trickster: Metallo; the Rogues have a code of....

Metallo: If I recall, they kicked you to the curb; and I call the shots here! You deal with the security, I'll deal with the birds!

Red Robin: *smirks* Bring it tin man

Metallo: Gladly!

Metallo charges!

In the meanwhile Kon and Sam, who has cheered up. Kon laughs as Sam plays with his chicken nuggets

Sam: Look at the little T-Rex...well Big Sam is gonna eat ya NOM NOM NOM!

Kon: Heh...*beat* Odd.

Sam: Odd?

Kon: Tim would have called by now....

Sam: ...Are they in trouble?

Kon: Dunno. *activates comm* Tim, what's going on....

Fighting sounds can be heard, familiar voices

Red Robin: *on comm* Dealing with old tin man, Kon

Kon: What, no, I'm coming

Robin: *on comm* Stay with Sam, we'll be fine! WATCH OUT FOR THAT QUARTZ!

*click*

Kon: Damn....

Sam buses the table and grabs his bag.

Kon: Where are you going?

Sam: To find the Waynes.

Kon: No, you should stay here and be safe.

Sam: Look, you want some action, and I can't just sit here. *smirks* Besides, you got to watch me right?

Kon smiles

Kon: Right...they're in the Meteorite Hall....

He looks down at his clothes

Kon: Oh right, don't have my suit.

Sam: Why can't that be your suit?

Kon: Hmmm...well I've done it before. *picks up Sam* Come on.

Kon flies towards the hall

Robin throws birdarangs at Metallo's chest and Red Robin staff pangs his Green K-heart

Metallo: That tickles....how are we doing with the security, Trickster?

Trickster: 3 minutes...and then the prize is ours

Superboy plows into Trickster, Sam clinging to his back. Trickster goes flying into a display case

Superboy: Guess there's gonna be a delay!

Sam: Nice quip!

Metallo: SUPERBOY!?

Red Robin: He's not who you should worry about, your ticker is ticking

Metallo: Huh?

He looks down and sees Red Robin planet a sonic disruptor on his Green K heart

Metallo: Oh

He gets blasted back into a display

Sam: Yes!

Netallo opens his heart and blasts at Sam. Kon blocks the ray

Sam: Superboy....

Kon: I can last a bit....

Red Robin: Hold on, Superboy.

He throws a frost pellet at Metallo, freezing Metallo's heart.

Metallo: Gah!

Red Robin: Cold hearted and now *throws sonic disruptor at his head* out cold

Metallo slumps down deactivated

Sam: Superboy, are you alright?

Superboy: Yeah, feel like I'm gonna puke though

Robin turns to face Trickster

Robin: Wait...where did he go?

Red Robin: He's gone?

Robin: Yes you fool!!!

Superboy: Anything stolen?

Red Robin does a quick scan

Red Robin: Oh no

They all stare at a display window, now empty except for some old shards...

Robin: Kryptonite?

Red Robin: Metallo must have been trying to steal it for fuel....

Superboy: And Prankster double crossed him.

Sam: We need to stop him.

Red Robin: He's probably long gone now. We should change and get back home.

Robin: *smirking* It's probably storming now

Sam: *pale* Storming?!

Back at Wayne Manor, Sam is hiding under a table, holding Barkley.

Sam: Where's Joey!?

Tim: He'll be back soon, look surely after all that's happened today this isn't that bad....

Sam: *holding a struggling Barkley* I hate storms!!!!

Alfred enters with a phone.

Alfred: Master Sam, your brother is on the phone.

Sam takes it

Sam: Hey Joey.

Joseph: *on phone* Hey squirt.

Sam: Are you almost home?

Joseph: *on phone* Sorry, Sammy, but my flight out of Metropolis is delayed because of the weather. Best bet is I won't be back until the middle of the night....

Sam: Joey, it's storming....

Joseph: *on phone* I know, Sam, I need you to be a big boy and not freak out.

Sam: But....

Joseph: *on phone* I know why you're afraid, Sam, I was there...remember, you're inside where it's safe and warm. We'll hang out all day tomorrow; I've told Alfred to cancel all my appointments and meetings. I'll see you when I get back.

Sam: *sad* Okay

Joseph: *on phone* Now give the phone back to Alfred.

Sam does so and Alfred goes into the next room. There is a huge thunderclap.

Sam: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Sam runs from under the table and poor Barkley, startled, bumps his head.

Barkley: oooooooooooo *whimper*

Tim finds Sam behind a couch

Tim: What's going on Sam?

Sam: I want Joey home now!

Thunderclap

Sam: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Sam holds onto Tim in fear. Kon enters, now wearing a flannel shirt

Kon: What's wrong with him?

Tim: He's afraid of storms.

Sam: So loud....

Kon sits next to Sam as well.

Kon: Why?

Sam: Back in New York, I had a bodyguard. He was constantly drunk and not doing his job. One day, not too long after Joey got back to New York, there was a storm. The bodyguard was supposed to be taking me home from school...he didn't come so I walked home alone.

Tim: You walked home alone?

Sam: Park Slope is a safe neighborhood, and it wasn't too far. But when I got home and rang the doorbell...no one answered. They were all busy preparing for a party that weekend, and Joey was doing something at work. I was trapped outside in the storm, I was wet, and cold, and upset and tired....I was curled up in a ball on the stoop when Joey and Lt. Brighton, his bodyguard who was retiring, found me. Joey took me in, and he yelled for the housekeeper. I never saw him so mad...and when the bodyguard showed up...Joey went ballistic. He fired him on the spot and threw him out into the rain. Lt. Brighton took me to my room and put me into bed. That's why I moved in with Joey, because he knew he'd take better care for me. That and I knew his secrets. But since then.....

BOOM! CRACKFLASH! The storm's fury hits at full strength and Sam screams and sobs. Tim holds him

Tim: We all get scared Sam, even us in the field...

Damian walks in

Damian: What are you all doing on the floor?

Tim: We're comforting Sam, you can either show some sensitivity or take whatever snarky superior complex attitude you've got cooked up elsewhere

Damian sits down in front of Sam and pokes him

Damian: Snap. Out. Of. It.

Sam: *poking back* Not. Help. Ing.

Tim: There has got to be something....

Kon: I could fly you through the clouds, see the storm from above

Tim: ...just imagine that for a second

*They picture Sam screaming as he and Kon dodge lightning bolts*

Superboy: dohoh!

Tim: I suppose we could all just sit here until the storm passes

Sam cries and curls into a ball

Sam: Can it go away? Please?

Tim: Sorry, we don't have weather powers...but we do have comforting abilities

Sam just whimpers. Kon wraps an arm around Sam

Kon: Sam, it's okay to be scared

Damian: *still poking* And you'll grow out of it someday

Tim: Oh yeah like you've never been scared Mr. Joyriding-in-the-Batmobile

Damian: >TT<

Kon: Sam, did you like storms before what happened?

Sam: Yeah, used to watch them out my window looking out on Prospect Park

Kon takes Sam to the window. Lightning flashes and Sam hides behind Kon

Kon: It's okay...we're here. Just watch.

Sam watches as the storm rages. Tim and Damian join them.

Tim: Still scared?

Sam: A little.

Tim: That's okay. Come on, we'll watch a movie.

Later that night, Joseph enters Wayne Manor.

Alfred: Welcome back, sir.

Joseph: *handing his drenched coat and bags to Alfred* Thanks, Alfred.

Alfred: How was business in Metropolis?

Joseph: Bruce will be pleased to know our joint venture with STAR Labs is a go. (beat) How was Sam?

Alfred: There was some trouble, but Master Damian, Master Tim and Master Tim's friend Conner helped calm him down. They watched a movie, played some games.

Joseph: Did they get into any trouble?

Alfred: Not that I know of.

Joseph: So they did.

Alfred: I will brief you in the morning, sir. You need some rest.

Joseph: Let me check on Sam a bit first.

Joseph goes into the living room and sees an amazing sight. Damian, Tim, Conner and Sam are asleep on the couch; the younger boys clinging to the nearest older boy like security blankets (Sam clings to Conner, Damian to Tim). Barkley and Titus are sprawled across all the boys. Joseph smiles and puts a blanket over them. He puts a finger to his lips to tell Alfred to be quiet as he heads upstairs.

Meanwhile in Metropolis, Trickster stands in an office.

Trickster: We ran into some trouble...

Voice: I am aware, Metallo was taken to a holding cell in the Gotham Branch of STAR Labs this evening before being extradited back to Stryker's. Did you get the package?

Trickster holds out a briefcase.

Trickster: Every sample

He opens it, showing kryptonite in every shade. He closes it and places it on a desk.

Voice: Very good, your reward, now double, has been transferred.

Trickster checks his PDA.

Trickster: Thank you.

Trickster leaves, we see his client smiling at his prize.

Trickster: Always good working with you, Mr. Luthor.

FIN