Dick, Joseph and Sam are in a high end auction gallery. They are in tuxes, but Dick and Sam look uncomfortable.
Sam: Why are we here?
Joseph: Someone needs to represent the Wayne Foundation for this auction. So I was sent as an executive and Dick as a Wayne.
Sam: Why didn't Bruce and Damian go?
Joseph: Nothing wrong with a bit of culture, Sammy. And you loved the Brooklyn Museum back home.
Sam: That's because I went there because I wanted to.....
Dick: Come on, this is all freaky occult stuff so it should be a blast
Sam: Isn't that like the Mirror House you and Bruce--
Dick grows a bit pale at the memory of that
Joseph: Sam, we don't talk about "that" in public. Not to mention that these are RUMORED to be tied to the occult. Or have a ties to mysticism. Like Egyptian amulets, Greco-Roman statues, etc. *sighs* They should be in a museum.
Dick: Then why are we here?
Joseph: The Wayne Foundation wants to purchase items to be donated to the Gotham Museum
Dick: All part of public spirit
Joseph: Exactly. Besides, if I can convince others to give what they get to the Museum....
Sam notices a teenager with weird black hair, wearing a black suit and stroking a cat walking along, looking at the items. Sam walks over to where the teenager is. He sees that the teen is looking at an illustrated book in a glass case
Sam: What a cool book!
Klarion: Yes, I suppose its temperature isn't particularly high in that case
Sam: Never seen a book like that before
Klarion: I'm not surprised, you won't find a copy of this down your local bookstore
Sam: What is it? *reads the sign* "Spellbook, 9th Century, rumored to be one owned by Merlin"
Klarion: Written by Merlin
Sam: Doesn't say that.....
Klarion: That's because the people here are idiots
Sam: Says you! *notices the cat* What a cool cat. *goes to pet it*
Klarion: Don't *cat hisses* if you wanna keep that hand
Sam retracts his hand
Joseph: *off panel* Sam!
Sam: Over here!
Klarion continues looking at the book. Joseph finds Sam
Joseph: There you are, don't wander off!
Sam then sees a beautiful sword
Sam: ooo, what's this?
A large man with a white streak in his red hair walks up behind him
Jason Blood: It is a very nice sword, tell me can you guess which sword it is?
Joseph: Blood, where are your manners? Sam, this is Mr. Jason Blood, an expert on occult artifacts. He helps out at the Gotham Museum
Jason Blood: Go ahead.
Sam: 9th century, but it looks later...looks sharp...has some text..."Nisi qui hac defensione regni mundos"...huh?
Jason Blood: It's Latin: "Only He Who Is Pure Can Use This To Defend The Realm"
Jason Blood: Bingo
Sam: Hey I was supposed to guess!
Joseph: *ruffling Sam's hair* Gotta be fast on the draw *to Blood* Funny, only a couple of the legends say that Excalibur has that etched on it.
Jason Blood: Only so many came close enough to see and live
Sam: But, they're stories, right?
Jason Blood: Heh, of course they are...but isn't the truth a story that is told often enough
Dick approaches them
Dick: They're about to start the auction
They leave, as they walk to the auction, Klarion watches them. He smirks on seeing Blood
Klarion: Feeling good today, Mr. Blood?
Jason Blood: ...Better than you look, witch boy.
Sam: Witch boy?
Jason Blood: Don't the last word fool you, he's centuries old
Klarion: Come now Mr. Blood, you've been working with all this legends, supernatural, occult...demons *smirks* It's clearly affected your mind
Jason Blood: If that's the case *motions for a guard*
Guard: Yes sir?
Jason Blood: This young man is here without a guardian or parent; please escort him out.
Guard: But he's on the list, sir
Joseph: *frowns* How is that possible?
Klarion: Simple, like everyone else I paid to be here
Blood growls a bit
Klarion: Temper, temper, Blood; see you inside. *pets his cat* Let's go, Teekl.
Dick, the Kanes and Jason sit in the auction hall. Klarion sits in a different area. Dick is wary of the witch boy.
Joseph: Don't stare at him
Dick: I don't like him
Joseph: He's a creepy kid; seriously I swear you're worse than Sam sometimes.
Dick: *smirking* You should talk
Before Joseph opens his mouth, the auctioneer stands on the stage
Auctioneer: Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Tonight, we offer items rumored to have ties to the occult and supernatural
The auction begins. Several items are sold; Joseph manages to get the best items for the museum. Then the book Sam and Klarion were looking at is wheeled in on stage
Auctioneer: Next in the lot for tonight a fabled book of spells rumored to be written by Merlin himself
Jason Blood: *whispering to Dick* That book cannot end up in the wrong hands
Joseph: What are you doing?
Dick: 30 *to Joseph* Don't you want it in the Museum
Joseph: Yes but--
Joseph: You don't have that kind of money to spend!
Jason Blood: Have the Foundation pick it up.
Auctioneer: I hear 100, does the...young master wish to bid higher
Auctioneer: Sold, to Dick Grayson on behalf of the Martha Wayne Foundation For The Arts
Dick smiles at Joseph
They bring on the sword
Dick: *whispers* Your move
Joseph sits up straighter
Auctioneer: This sword is rumored to be the legendary Excalibur. The bidding starts at 100,000
Klarion: One million
This leads to gasps from the audience, Klarion looks smug until...
Joseph: Two million.
Auctioneer: Two million dollars for the sword. Any other takers.
Klarion glares at Joseph.
Auctioneer: Sold, to Dr. Joseph Kane on behalf of the Wayne Foundation
Sam: There goes my allowance increase
Joseph: Be glad the foundation will be paying for most of it...and what have you done lately to deserve a raise?
Auctioneer: And with that, the auction is over for now. Thank you very much
Sam: I got an A+
Sam: Yeah in Math and English
The group starts moving to the area where they pay for the items
Joseph: So if I ask Alfred, will he back me up?
Sam: Certainly, he's been helping me study
Joseph takes out the foundation check book and pays for the items he bought for the Museum, including the book and the sword. Klarion approaches them from behind as Joseph takes possession of the sword and book.
Klarion: Beautiful items, aren't they?
Sam: Yeah, no hard feelings
Klarion: Oh none at all, I shall look forward to seeing them in the museum *walks off*
Jason Blood: He's up to somethng
Joseph: What exactly is he?
Jason Blood: I will tell you if you come to my flat in an hour. And you better keep the sword and book in your sights. Until then....
Jason Blood exits after grabbing a 19th century style hat and overcoat from the coat room
Sam: Who is he again?
Dick: Jason Blood...aka: Etrigan
Sam: Isn't that a...demon?
Joseph looks at him
Sam: I read some files
Dick: ...Come on, may need back up on this case
Joseph: Quick stop at your place before heading to Blood's?
They head to Dick's apartment and enter it.
Joseph: Do you EVER clean up after yourself?
Dick: Maid's day off.
Dick goes into his hidden arsenal.
Joseph: *probing dirty laundry* So, should we be expecting something?
Nightwing: *comes out in his gear* I suspect Klarion is part of the occult forces, I think I read a report about something like this.
Joseph: Wait...you mean magic is real?
Nightwing: *deadpan* Oh yes...it is very real
Joseph sits down gingerly on a chair covered with spare clothes
Joseph: Ya know, I always had a feeling there was stuff like that out there. But it's hard to really wrap it around my brain...
Nightwing: Bruce says it's another form of science, you just need to understand it. Drop by the theater district and look up an old friend of ours, Zatanna. She knows all about this
Joseph: Maybe some other time, we got 30 minutes before we need to see...
The lights start flickering....
Nightwing: ...Get away the window
Joseph steps back as a large shadow heads to the window and smashes in...a demonic pigeon! A pigeon transformed into the size of a pterodactyl, with giant teeth in its beak and wrath in its eyes
Elsewhere, in a dimensional pocket, Klarion watches in an orb, stroking Teekl
Klarion: I'd prefer a vulture, but you gotta work with what you got
Nightwing: And the day started out so nicely *to Joseph* Get out of here!
He punches the bird in the beak and flips out of the building. He lands on the bird and begins struggling to control it. As he does so, he bumps several of the magically mutated pigeons out of the air. In the apartment, Joseph straps the sword to his back. Joseph and Sam run to the door and try to open it.
Sam: Open it!!!
Joseph: I'm trying! It won't budge!
The knob comes off in his hand. He looks back towards the window and sees a flock of evil coming towards them.
Sam: Uh oh.....
Joseph: You said it.....
Nightwing comes crashing in on the giant pigeon and drops a flash grenade down blinding the flock and by extension Klarion through his control of the pigeons
Klarion: Gah! What trickery is this?
Nightwing takes Sam and Joseph and bursts down the door. They run to a hidden elevator
Joseph: What the hell is going on?
Nightwing: When we get to Blood's apartment we'll know.
Joseph: I'm so not ready for this Supernatural stuff. We Kanes are not the Winchesters!
Sam: My name's Sam, we're brothers....
Sam: How are we getting there?
They get into Nightwing's hidden garage.
Sam: *gasps* I left the....
Joseph: No time! *to Nightwing* What now "brave leader"; I don't see a Bat vehicle!
Nightwing presses a button, lights reveal several motorcycles
Nightwing: You can drive right? Pick a bike *mounts his*
Joseph gets on one and Sam gets behind him.
Joseph: Sam, hold on tight.
Joseph rides off after Nightwing
Joseph: I'm going to kill whoever transformed these pigeons...
Nightwing: *riding alongside* Let's hope he never crosses one of them with a cow
They arrive at Blood's apartment after dodging the pigeons. Blood opens the door.
Jason Blood: Gentlemen, come in. *they do so, he closes the door* I hope you have the sword and the book.
Joseph removes the sword from the back.
Joseph: Here you go.
Jason Blood: And the book.
Nightwing and Joseph look at Sam.
Sam: That's what I've been trying to tell you! I left the book in Nightwing's apartment, I dropped it.
In the meanwhile, Klarion gets the book from one of the "pigeons"
Klarion: Thank you. You shall be fed.
Tiny Teekl leaps from Klarion's hand and swallows the bird in one gulp
Klarion: You must have been hungry Teekl; let's take a look at that book
Back in Blood's apartment, Blood is pacing
Sam: It fell out of my hand, I'm sorry....
Nightwing: We'll get it back, if Klarion's got it then he'll make sure we know about it
Jason Blood: yes he's not exactly subtle...or delicate
Joseph: It seems by now he's subtle as an elephant in a china factory and as delicate as the atom bomb. What the hell is he?
Nightwing: Some form of homo-magi, it's bit like meta-humanity. Homo-magi are a group of humans which have managed to unlock some of the more powerful potential dormant in their genes. Sharpens their senses and control over such things as matter and energy
Jason Blood: In short, Klarion is a witch boy
Joseph: So that's why you called him that.
Jason Blood: He's a Lord of Chaos, a practitioner of evil magic who grew up on another plane.
Joseph: Why the interest in the book?
Nightwing: Merlin's memoirs and personal spellbook
Jason Blood: You give the highest authority of ancient magic to that little bastard and we'll be seeing more than giant vermin birds
Joseph: So, Merlin is real?
Jason Blood: Yes.
Joseph: I need to sit down....
Nightwing: And Jason met him didn't you...well met may be the wrong word
Jason Blood: You need to understand, Doctor Kane and Master Sam, that I am over 1000 years old, but not by choice. I was a knight in King Arthur's Court. Merlin bonded me with a demon servant of his, named Etrigan, to safeguard the realm. It...didn't work as well as he thought.
Joseph: So how did you cross paths with the witch boy?
Jason Blood: Don't be fooled, he only looks like a boy
Sam: You mean he's hundreds of year old too?
Nightwing: A puritan devil child, always fun
Sam: But why does he want the book, and the sword?
Nightwing: Fail-safe I'd imagine, that sword is a magically crafted weapon which could be a real pain in his puritan ass
Joseph: Some Puritan....
Jason Blood: Only in appearance; his actions show he's a sadist, a demon.
Joseph: So what can he do with that book?
Nightwing: ...I think a more appropriate question would be...what can't he do?
Jason Blood: What he can't do is break my barriers, not outright. But should he do something of great magic, one of us has to use Excalibur
Nightwing: What's the conditions?
Jason Blood: Well royal lineage is out of the question. So it has to be someone pure of heart. They have to know what they're up against. And they have to be protected
Joseph: Please tell me you have an idea?
Nightwing: A couple. Either way we need to get the book back and make sure he doesn't get his greedy hands on the sword
Joseph: Where do we begin to find this Klarion schmuck?
Nightwing: Look out the window and see if there is any mutant squirrels
Joseph: Please tell me you're kidding.
Nightwing: I'm not
Jason Blood: Welcome to the big leagues, boys
Sam looks out another window
Sam: Umm...scary doom cloud over there....
Klarion holds up his hands in spellcasting, a jar of dirt is next to him
Klarion: RISE FALLEN KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE! RISE AND HEED MY ORDERS!
The undead forms of the Knights of the Round Table rise from the jar of dirt in a cloud of bone ash. They stand in formation.
Klarion: Some doofuses have Excalibur, bring it to me!
The knights march out.
Klarion: And with Excalibur and Merlin's spellbook in my possession, the world will bow to--pause for effect, I've been waiting to do this for a while--Klarion BUM BUM BUM The Witch Boy!
Joseph: Well, we have an idea where he is now, if that cloud is where he is?
Nightwing: Most likely. Blood, we're gonna need serious muscle on this
Jason Blood: Gone, gone the form of Man; Rise the Demon Etrigan!
He turns from Blood to Etrigan, Sam and Joseph watch with mouths ajar
Joseph: Can't you let me absorb this stuff SLOWLY?!
Nightwing: Etrigan, we should head over there. *Looks out the window* Looks like the Forum of the 12 Caesars in Robinson Park. *to the Kanes* You two stay here, and guard the sword
Sam: But what about you guys?
Nightwing: We're gonna kick his ass and get back the book
Sam: Then what?
Nightwing: No idea. *to Joseph* Look at Blood's books, if you think of something, raise me on the comm, and don't follow us.
Joseph: Hey, for once I'd rather follow Bruce's limitations on me.
Etrigan: We must go fast, We will be dealing with my brothers from the past.
Etrigan leaps out the window. Nightwing salutes and follows. Joseph and Sam look at the books
Sam: Where do we start?
Joseph: *picks up one of Blood's books* At the beginning I suppose
Etrigan jumps far ahead, but Nightwing keeps up with his gymnastics. Etrigan stops and points to the undead knights
Etrigan: There are those who were best, Klarion has disturbed their rest.
Nightwing: Must you rhyme?
Etrigan: Not all the time *draws a sword* SEND THEM BACK!
The demon leaps down and clashes swords with the first knight. Nightwing flips down and launches a wing ding at another. Deciding to improve the balance of things Nightwing disarms one armed with a lance and takes up the weapon to his own merit. Also as they are undead he doesn't have to worry about restraint. He flips off of one and stabs another with the lance. He blocks a sword with an eskrima stick.
Meanwhile, Joseph and Sam are going through Blood's library
Joseph: The guy needs better organization...
Sam looks over at the sword, he thinks to himself and remembers the Disney movie so gingerly tries to pick it up
Joseph: Sam, be careful with that....
Sam: Maybe it can tell us what book.....
Sam's hand touches the sword. In the battle outside Robinson Park, the undead knights stiffen
Nightwing: What the hell?
Etrigan: They heed the call of Excalibur
Nightwing: In English?
Etrigan: Someone has touched the blade, for them a call has been made
Nightwing: Is that bad or good?
Etrigan: Both. We must stop the witch boy to increase the odds in our favor
Nightwing: Gotcha *launches himself into the fray*
Etrigan: We must get to the Forum in the park! Before our future goes totally dark.
In the apartment, Joseph and Sam find the right passage in a book
Joseph: Supposedly, anyone who falls within the sword's prerequisite for a true user can, among other things, call upon the spirits of the Knights of the Round Table. Holding the sword, the wielder must lead them against evil and then must let the sword rest.
Joseph: It seems that until King Arthur comes back from the Vale of Avalon, the sword places limits on its powers.
They hear the marching of men in armor. They look out the window.
Sam: Uh oh.
Joseph: Looks like Klarion found the not so noble version of that power.
Sam: What do we do now?
Joseph: You sit on the couch, and I'll move furniture to block the door. And don't touch that sword
Sam nods in agreement. Meanwhile Nightwing and Etrigan enter the replica Roman temple in the middle of the "Forum".
Nightwing: This isn't even a real Roman temple, why here?
Etrigan: It's on a lay line. *points to a golden door on a wall* There, that is the door to the demon brat's lair....
Dick: Age before beauty *Etrigan looks at him unamused* Is humor strictly a human thing?
Etrigan: You don't want to know demon humor.....
They enter and are immediately held in place by sigils.
Klarion: Wow, you aren't smart. Teekl, why don't you play with them?
Teekl leaps from his arms and transforms into a more demonic form.
Klarion: But don't kill them yet
Nightwing: Well I saw this coming, don't suppose you have a backup plan...?
Etrigan: I'm thinking....
Meanwhile, Joseph is trying in vain to keep the undead from entering the apartment
Sam: ...Wait a minute...I have an idea
Joseph: *struggling to keep the door shut* At this moment, I'm up for suggestions!
Sam: They respond to the sword right...well then *grabs the sword* Hey! Cut it out!
Joseph: Sam, what are you do...
The pushing on the other side stops
Sam: Remove the furniture.
Joseph does so.
Sam: Come in, and kneel.
The skeletons enter and do so.
Joseph: What are you doing?
Sam: Being their temporary liege. *to the undead* Go from these forms to your true selves.
The undead transform into the spirits of the knights.
Sam: Wow this is cool....say Sam is awesome!
Lead Knight: Why?
Lead Knight: We still have SOME free will as spirits in regards to being controlled by the sword.
Sam: Oh...make my brother a knight for this mission.
Lead Knight: A Jew, a knight?
Joseph: This Jew could kick your gentile ass from here to Glastonbury
The knights laugh
Lead Knight: Very well.
The knights put their hands on Joseph's shoulders and he is arraigned in the armor and sword of a knight.
Sam: Do we get horses?
Lead Knight: Oh yes.
Sam: Are you Lancelot?
Sam: Let's go.
The knights are led by Joseph and Sam to the street where a spectral horse and a spectral pony arrive. Joseph gets on the horse and Sam gets on the pony. A spectral crown appears on Sam's head.
Sam: To the Forum! Stop the Witch Boy!
In the Forum, Klarion senses something is amiss whilst his cat demon beats on Nightwing and Etriga. Klarion has slashed off a fair bit of Nightwing's suit.
Etrigan: Don't you have a plan?
Nightwing: A few, one is in progress and the other is a fail safe
Etrigan: What is your plan now?
Nightwing: You'll see in about 3-2-1
Nightwing throws a white powder on the sigil, weakening it enough to slip through and kick Teekl hard
Klarion: Teekl! Why did you hit my kitty?
Nightwing tosses the powder onto Etrigan's sigil, freeing the demon
Nightwing: Come on when you're in town I dose up on my voodoo know-how
Klarion: You are ruining everything!
Teekl flips back to its master and guards him. Then they hear the marching
Klarion: *grinning* Oh goodie, I won anyways.
Nightwing: *eyes going wide* Oh no...Joseph...Sam....
Joseph: *off panel* You rang?
Nightwing and Etrigen turn to see Joseph and Sam at the head of the spirits of the Knights of the Round Table
Klarion: WHAT?! ARISE MY WARRIORS! DEFEND ME!
Skeletal warriors arise.
Lancelot: Orders my lords?
The Kane brothers grin
Joseph and Sam: CHARGE! FOR CAMELOT!
Nightwing: ...Well I've never felt a more overpowering urge to quote Monty Python in my life
Joseph turns to Nightwing
Joseph: Your top is shredded again. Trying to drive your fangirls wild?
Nightwing: Jealous much?
Etrigan: Cease this inane prattle, we must forward to battle!
Nightwing: Again with the rhyming
Joseph: Would you rather him be miming?
Nightwing: Ha ha, very funny. Sam, hold onto that sword....
Nightwing and Joseph charge into battle; the former using eskrima sticks charged with electricity, the latter with his sword. Meanwhile, Sam is struggling to hold the sword up.
Sam: This sword is heavy....
Nightwing: Pretend you're weightlifting
Sam: *struggling* Easy for you to say; I'm not allow to do so for a couple more years *to knights* FOR CAMELOT! CRUSH THE UNDEAD!
Battle ensues, Klarion is backed into a corner
Klarion: UNFAIR! CHEATERS! SPOILSPORTS!
Joseph lobs off a skull from a skeleton
Joseph: Always dreamed of being a knight when I was a kid!
Joseph: Be a hero, fight the bad guys...when you're trapped in bed, you read a lot and dream a lot.
Nightwing impales three with a lance
Joseph crushes a few skeletons with a sword and Etrigan burns others with his fiery breath.
Klarion dashes for the book
He points his sword at the book, and the book flies at him, smacking into his chest.
Nightwing: Why can't you be more like this at school?
Sam: Not much of a school when its just Alfred teaching me and Damian
Etrigan: Find the banishing spell! Point Excalibur at it, send the enemy to Hell!
Klarion: Oh no you don't! TEEKL!
Teekl leaps, but is skewered by Joseph
Joseph: Stay away from my brother.
Teekl yowls, turns back into a cat and hides behind Klarion
Klarion: YOU HURT MY KITTY
Sam leafs through the book.
Sam: Found it! *points the sword at the book* In the name of King Arthur, I banish the undead, and chain whoever abused the powers of this book.
The undead dissolve into powder. The spirits of the knights twist and transform into spectral chains that wrap around Klarion. Etrigan raises his hand, summoning the book.
Etrigan: In the place of Merlin, I punish thee Klarion. *turns to a page* "Mother's grief, father's shame, soon he goes to whence he came. "
Klarion: I'll be back, you yellow skinned rat! I'll be--
*POP!* He and Teekl wink out of existence. The armor and sword Joseph is wearing fade, leaving him in his tuxedo.
Sam: Where'd he go?
Etrigan: To his own dimension.
Nightwing: So you sent him to his room
Nightwing: I could use one of those for Damian
Etrigan: Won't work on him, I tried.
Joseph: You're kidding.
Etrigan: I'm not
Nightwing: ...I don't wanna know, whatever it is...I don't wanna know
Joseph: Well it's been a long day; and we still need to put the book and sword somewhere for safekeeping
Nightwing: ...and if Bruce asks about this...you two were not involved...much
Etrigan: I will guard the book and blade; now you should go home, it is soon a new day
Nightwing: Oh yeah last thing 'Begone Etrigan, one again the form of man'
Joseph: Really, the spell to change him back is THAT short?
Etrigan becomes Jason Blood again.
Jason Blood: Thank you. *picks up the sword and book* I will keep an eye on them until the collection is ready for display. Until then...
He teleports away
Nightwing: Okay next time there's an occult auction I'm calling the night off