Ted Kord was experimenting with gene splicing in his lab when he accidentally created a rift in time and space, causing various universes to momentarily collide! After the explosion, Ted picked himself up, glad to be alive. Though he felt... strange, different. He ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror and saw - well, it was himself, but combined with Superman.
He could tell because at that moment he hit his bathroom mirror with heat vision, the reflected beams knocking the tiles off the ceiling. He blinked as he took the image in the mirror in. He had gained several pounds of muscle, and he felt that his entire body structure felt thicker. His stomach, which he had been trying to turn into a six pack with that new fitness gizmo Booster was promoting ("Five easy payments of $99.95, but for you, Ted, just $99. Just promise me not to throw out the booklets and you will read the diet instructions") was an eight pack. Ted grinned and dashed back into the lab, and lifted up an incredibly heavy machine with one hand. He used his new superspeed to make a new costume: cowl that reveals his hair, special goggles that would permit usage of heat vision, a short sleeved tunic to show off his "guns", and reinforced boots. He put them on and grinned.
"Look out world, here comes Super Beetle. Now, how does he..." Ted looked down and saw he was floating. His grin got wider. "Up up and away!" He proceeded to blast out of his lab, through the floors of his building, and made a giant hole in his roof as he flew out over Gotham.
Batman was taking on a bunch of thugs by the docks when Ted showed up. Needless to say, Batman was pissed. He was tracking these drug traffickers for weeks, only to be surrounded like a novice. He didn't realize they were shipping in the drugs for the Falcones. "Super Beetle" made it worse by setting the drugs on fire with his heat vision, allowing bullets to bounce off him and hurt the smugglers and nearly Batman (who had to vault over a case of champagne that Penguin legally imported for once to get cover), and proceeded to beat several of the thugs to a pulp. Batman managed to drag out a thug to interrogate before the warehouse exploded.
"It's okay, Bats, I got them," said Ted, holding up a pile of unconscious thugs before unceremoniously dropped them to the ground.
"What the hell is WRONG with you," shouted Batman. "And where the hell did you get those powers?"
"Ate my Wheaties."
Batman glared at Ted, who continued to hover.
"You just botched my investigation."
"Hey, I saved your life!"
"I could have handled it, you destroyed the evidence!"
"Just get the hell out of here!"
"Fine!" said Ted, flying away, "Don't say I didn't help."
"You didn't help." Batman watched Ted fly off and then activated his comm. "Batman to Operator."
"Operator here," said Joseph Kane, Batman's info gatherer, as well as his VP at WayneTech during the day. He was working towards proper training after a brief career as a hero in New York. "What's going on, I'm hearing something about an explosion...."
"Blue Beetle's fault."
Batman could hear a noise of frustration come from the other end of the comm. Joseph often had to deal with Ted when it came to business between Wayne Tech and Kord Industries, something he also had to do when he work for his family's company. Needless to say, he had a low opinion of Ted. "What did he do?"
"Used heat vision to blow up the place, crippled the smugglers, botched the entire case."
"...Run that by me again?"
"I think somehow he got Kryptonian powers and genetics."
"Oh goodie, just what we need; someone with Mr. Kent's powers, but none of his social graces," said Alfred Pennyworth, who came on the line.
"Alfred, take over the comms. Joseph, I want you to go over to Ted's lab and see what the hell happened."
"Right, I'll take Sam."
"Think that's wise?" asked Batman.
"Eh, we need brother bonding time, and what better way than to snoop around Ted Kord's secrets."
Batman could hear Joseph's little brother cheering in the background, and the sound of his son Damian grumbling about it.
"Fine. I'll be heading up to the Watchtower to talk to J'onn and a couple others. Contact me if you find anything."
Dinah Lance, aka Black Canary was awakened by a noise downstairs in her dojo. She quickly grabbed her gear and put it on, and headed downstairs to deal with whoever broke in. To her surprise, there was a table laid out with food, two unlit candles, flowers, two place settings, and two comfortable chairs. She looked around, "Ollie, is this your doing?"
"Nope, it's mine, Dinah."
Black Canary went into a defensive crouch as Ted appeared out of the darkness. "Ted, what the hell happened to you?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"What's going on?"
"Can't we have a meal between friends?"
"Friends don't eat at tables set up like...like that! Are those doilies?"
"Made them myself, went to China to get the silk for the lace. Sit, please."
Black Canary grudgingly sat down. Ted strutted over, making Dinah roll her eyes. Ted thought he should light the candles to set the proper mood. He ended up setting fire to the candles, the flowers, the table, the food, the chairs.... Black Canary had to flip away from the flames. Ted rushed over to calm her down. He held her...only to found out that not everything was protected by Kryptonian invulnerability when she kicked him in the crotch and sent him flying backwards.
"Dinah, I love...."
"You idiot. You think getting all Superman-ish would make me fall in love with you?"
"You are such a freaking idiot. Besides, I'm dating--"
Ted decided to shut her up by using his superspeed to kiss her, in the end process breaking through the wall of her dojo into her kitchen. He then felt an arrow pointed at the back of his neck. He smelled Axe body spray. He realized who she was dating, that emerald frat boy with a weapon from the stone age.
"Heard the silent alarm I set up go off," said Green Arrow, "Didn't think it would be Blue Beetle on steroids."
"That's Super Beetle!" growled Ted, who knocked Green Arrow backwards.
"So, Blue Beetle somehow got superpowers, ruined your crime scene, and last you heard had pissed off every cop in Gotham, Green Lantern in Coast City, and even Flash in Central City?" said an exasperated Martian Manhunter.
"Yes," said Batman curtly.
"I don't get it," said Booster Gold, "This doesn't seem like something Ted would do."
"Oh yes he would," said Stargirl, who was helping J'onn with Monitor duty, "He's Ted."
"Look, he's a good guy at heart," said Booster, "Maybe he's just excited"
J'onn's eyes flashed for a moment, "Just got a message from Hawkman, he just had to clean up a mess Ted did in New Orleans."
"Any idea where he is now?" asked Batman.
"No, whatever happened to him has made it hard for me to detect him. All I know is I will need serious scream therapy and a freighter's worth of chocos after hearing this."
Batman's comm beeped. "Joseph, you better have something." He pressed a button to make Joseph appear in a hologram before everyone's eyes.
In Ted's lab, Joseph picked up a strange gun like device as Sam poked around Ted's Blue Beetle arsenal. "I have. According to Ted's notes, he was working on a gene splicer gun; apparently he wanted to get in on the ground level of genetic enhancements tech...without respecting the fact it's presently unethical to do so."
Batman nodded as he took this in, "Was he using Kryptonian DNA on himself?"
Joseph turned to his nine year old brother, who was poking at something, "Sam, stop touching that and tell Batman what you found."
Sam rushed over.
"Oh he's so cute!" said Stargirl.
Sam scowled at that, "Why do they keep saying that...."
"Well, you seem to cause that effect in human females," said J'onn, "Is that not something boys your age like?"
"Not always! Anyways, I hacked into the security feed. Blue Beetle was doing some maintenance work on the gun when he triggered a portal and an energy blast happened. But that's not the weird part, the weird thing is we saw Superman, or a Superman appear and he was thrust into Blue Beetle."
"You think Ted's DNA has been merged with that of a Superman from an alternate Earth," said Batman.
"It's likely," said Joseph.
"Can you reverse it with the gun?" asked Booster.
"Does Brooklyn need the Dodgers back? Yes, I can reverse the whole damn thing; but I'd need Ted here to do it. Where is he now?"
J'onn's eyes flashed again. "He is at Black Canary's dojo fighting Green Arrow; apparently Blue Beetle has carried a torch for Dinah...a very unrequited torch."
"Gather the entire League," was Batman's reply. "All of them."
Black Canary's Canary Cry sent Ted through another wall; he was surprised his ears weren't bleeding due to the super senses. Green Arrow sent exploding arrows in his direction, which wrecked his new uniform but didn't even sting. Ted shrugged off electro-arrows, gas-arrows, even a concussive arrow. When Dinah made a kick at him, he grabbed her leg and tossed her to the ground, causing a small dent in the floor. Needless to say he wasn't happy about being rejected, but he had an idea. He bull rushed Green Arrow into the wall and broke his arm. He kind of relished the moment; this asshole, roughly the same age as him but a total dropout and lesser intellect, always taunted him about not getting the girl or being the strongest. Ted took some pleasure in breaking Ollie's arm. However, Ted was soon blasted back by lightning. He turned and saw almost every hero available converge on the spot, led by Batman. He saw it was Shazam who had blasted him off.
"Take him," Batman ordered.
The ensuing combat proceeded to destroy Dinah's dojo and apartment, three of the surrounding blocks, a good portion of a nice part of Gotham, a good chunk of Robinson Park, an office building in the Diamond District, and the roof of Wayne Tower before Ted could be subdued.
"Ah, chaos and destruction, it brings back memories of your JLI days, right, Booster?" said Skeets. They were the ones chosen to guard Ted as their presence might help keep him calm. Ted did look contrite as he was bound in Kryptonite, spells, and high tech chains. Booster didn't reply, he was appalled that his friend let power go to his head.
"Is it ready yet?" Batman asked Joseph.
"Almost," said Joseph, who was still tinkering.
"Can you hurt him again?" Sam asked J'onn, who was snacking on Chocos. Sam was a little pissed that his favorite playground was totaled by a heatwave blast from Ted that had to be countered by one from Superman.
Superman approached and placed his hand on Sam's shoulder, "That is not how the League operates. Blue Beetle will face consequences for his actions tonight, not to mention a restraining order from Dinah. Besides, I fixed the playground for you." Sam hugged Superman.
"Okay, folks, we're ready!" said Joseph, who pointed the gun at Ted. "We might need to do some finetuning to get the right dimensional frequency, but we should be able to undo this latest Kord stupidity."
"Watch your mouth, kid!" snapped Ted.
"I'm not the one facing hefty repair and medical bills from several people," quipped Joseph. He turned to Batman, "I should note there is the chance he might die during this."
Batman's eyes narrowed, "It's a risk I'm willing to make."
"WHAT?!" screamed Ted.
"Alright!" said Joseph, who proceeded to blast Ted.
Ted held a glowing green ring. "I am the Green Beetle."
"Whoops," said Joseph, who blasted Ted again.
Ted wore a star spangled corset...but was otherwise the same. People screamed in disgust as Joseph blasted him again.
Ted wore a long cape. He had a serious expression. "I am Blue Bat!"
"Joseph...." grumbled Batman.
"Hey, I'm dealing with at least 52 realities here!" said Joseph, who kept blasting.
Ted then seemed normal.
"Is it over?" asked Booster. Joseph blasted Ted again.
"OUCH! That setting's a stun gun one!" yelped Ted.
"Can't prove it!" giggled Sam.
Ted approached Batman as Booster and Skeets examined the area Ted was kept in.
"Boss, do you think it's safe for us to stand here?"
Ted withered under Batman's glare. "Sorry?"
"You are in so much trouble. You will pay Dinah and Ollie for their pains and injuries. You will not go within 500 feet of Dinah unless on a mission. You will be on probation from the League and will only operate when we can afford a handler to mind you."
"Fine. I'm just glad this is over." Unfortunately, as he said that, his elbow triggered the gun, striking Booster and Skeets and temporarily opening a portal. When the smoke cleared, Booster stood in a strange robotic suit that looked like Skeets had become his armor. He also had gained muscle, and he wore a ridiculous hat on his head.
"I AM SUPERNINJAFIGHTERBOOSTERMAN!"
Everyone turned at Ted and glared. All he could do was smile sheepishly and say "Oops".
This is wonderful and awesome xD
I also like when Booster takes a dollar off his machine FOR YOU TED hahhaa that's so Booster.
That is awesome story i love it, especially the I AM SUPERNINJAFIGHTERBOOSTERMAN!
This makes me so happy it's ridiculous