Random Scenes at Wayne Manor 1

I.

Bruce and his lady friend du jour are having sex in Bruce's bedroom and are being somewhat noisy. We cut to the various bedrooms of the other residents of Wayne Manor and their reactions.

Panel 1:

Alfred's room. He is simply drinking tea and reading a book by Sarte

Panel 2:

Joseph's room. He's typing something

Joseph: (to himself) Ignore it, just ignore it. Finish this assignment, ignore the fact he's getting it on and you still have your goddamn V-Card. Breathe Kane, Breathe.

Panel 3:

Sam's room. Barkley is hiding under the desk and Sam has stuck his head between his pillows.

Sam: I just want to sleep!

Panel 4:

Damian's room. He's throwing things at the wall.

Damian: FATHER, YOU AND YOUR WHORE SHUT UP AND QUIT HAVING INTERCOURSE AT ONCE! I AM TRYING TO SLEEP!

---

II.

Damian is training Sam and is mocking him

Damian: Come on, that felt like a breeze to me.

Sam tries to punch again

Damian: That's all you got, pathetic?

Sam attacks again but Damian pushes him to the ground.

Damian: Pathetic. You're weak, you're slow, you can't even throw a decent punch. (Sam starts getting angry) You are a disgrace to humanity, a wannabe sidekick, and a little wimpy....

POW

Damian sees stars. He wakes up with Sam, Alfred and Joseph looking over him. Sam and Alfred are concerned, but Joseph is holding in laughter

Damian: Wuh....

Sam: Are you okay?

Damian: What happened?

Sam: I...I....

Joseph: SAM KNOCKED YOU OUT! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Damian: Shut up, Doctor. I intended him to do that; to show anger.

Joseph keeps laughing and falls on a couch in a fit of laughter.

Sam: Joey, can you stop?

Joseph: okay...I'm calm...*snicker* I'm calm.

Alfred: Are we making an excuse for the fact Master Sam sucker punched you, Master Damian?

Damian: I plead the fifth.

---

III.

It's a relaxing summer late afternoon as Joseph grills dinner on the patio.

Bruce: Joseph, you don't have to do this.

Joseph: I feel like I have to do something to earn my living in Wayne Manor somehow.

Bruce: I feel like Damian and I should be on patrol....

Joseph: That's why I'm making dinner now; it's not dark yet. Besides, it gives Alfred (he points to Alfred who is reading at a table) a break.

Barkley and Titus come over and sit by the grill.

Joseph: One second, Barks. (finishes a steak) There we go.

Joseph drops the steak to Barkley; but Titus grabs it and runs off with Barkley chasing after him. As they run back and forth, Damian and Sam are swimming in the pool.

Damian: Well looks like you're half decent at swimming.

Sam: We had an indoor pool in our parents' mansion back in New York; plus one at the beach house in Freeport. I practically grew up swimming.

Damian: Then why your lack of development?

Sam: Probably because I swam for fun, not competition.

Damian: Guess I'm adding some serious swimming to your training regimen...Sam, where did you go.

Sam grabs Damian from underwater and pulls him down for a couple seconds. (At that time, Barkley chases Titus into a few bushes, we hear the barking during this)

Sam: Got ya!

Damian: That was a damn dirty trick, Sam!

Sam: (laughing) It's still funny.

Damian splashes Sam.

Joseph: Boys, dinner's done. Where's the dogs?

Barkey walks out of the bushes. His fur is mussed up, but his tail is held high and he has his steak. Titus, looking the worse for wear, walks quietly behind him, tail between legs.

Damian: Did your walking carpet of a dog just beat up my Great Dane

Sam: Barkley doesn't like it when you mess with his food.

----
IV.

Joseph gets back from work.

Joseph: Hello? Boys? Place is quiet. I'm the only one here.

He has a grin on his face. Cue an homage to "Risky Business", which he ends as soon as Sam, Damian, Bruce and Alfred show up with a cake.

Joseph: Oh...I can explain?

Damian: You're weird, we get it.

Sam: Don't tell me you forgot today's your birthday.

Joseph: My...oh my God it is....

They sing "Happy birthday"

Alfred: Cake will be served after dinner; I thought your favorite meal will suffice. Though I recommend putting on pants before you eat.

Joseph: Right.

Sam: Here's my gift, Joey.

Sam gives him a "World's Best Brother" mug, a hug, and a scrapbook of the cases Joseph's helped Batman with.

Joseph: Thanks, Sammy.

Damian: And here's my present, Kane

Damian gives him a "Get Off My Shitlist" coupon.

Joseph: Thanks.

Damian nods.

Bruce: Dick and Barbara will be joining us soon, so I recommend changing. But first....

Joseph: Bruce, you've done so much for me, I don't need a present from....

Bruce: Oh this isn't your present; this is your progress report.

Joseph: My what?

Bruce: To show you the progress you've made towards earning training.

Joseph reads it, his face lights up.

Joseph: Almost there.

Bruce: But you better keep working at it.

Joseph: Yes sir.

Barbara and Dick walk in.

Barbara: Interesting dinner-wear, Joseph.

Dick is holding back a laugh. Joseph turns red and wraps his overcoat (he tossed it on the couch) around his waist.

Joseph: Laugh it up, Circus Boy! I'll just get dressed now....